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TAB   "Nystagmus"  -  5  COMMENTS  -  PAGE 1
Nystagmus      [GP4]   [208 hits]   [Version: 2]   [Id: 106155]
Artist: Skeleton Competition July/August 2009
File Size: 97 KB     Number of Tracks: 12
Submitted by: Quibokk  (All tabs)  on 31 Aug 2009 22:06, commenting:
One sentence - a complete mess of ideas and sketchy transitions. GP5 is preferable.
Validated by Generis Humani on 01 Sep 2009 08:29


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Well, what can I say? Plenty of good material to choose from in this song, but sometimes poorly connected and messy in transitions, which makes this hard to analyse as a "song", and is in fact the only real flaw of your entry. But you know that already, won't stress the point further.

[Intro] The rhodes reminds me a bit of music-box songs... so pretty... but without being too cheesy, good job xD

[Main Riff] When the comp started I thought it would be near impossible for anyone to devise a non-prog metal main riff, but this actually works quite well, no complaints... although I'd probably have used Rhythm Dist in the whole riff. But nevermind that

[Verse 1] Damn I love this theme. Music-box feel all over again, but I liked it even better than the intro.

[Chorus] Sounds distinctively "un-chorusy" to me, lacks the "power" you'd expect in a chorus. Things pick up when the lead enters, but there's a bit too much "progression", which might be a poor choice of words, but the point is that this sounds more like a bridge to guitar solo 1 than a real chorus. Sounds good nevertheless :P

[Guitar Solo] Ahem, this is your chorus 1... xD At least it sounds like it. Well, I liked this part a lot. Solo is tasty and the little piano fills are great.

[Main Riff/Variations] Now in a heavier context... nothing wrong with that, doesn't break the flow, and it's a good riff. Shredding in Variation sounds positively mental :p

[Chipmunk Invasion] Would be an ok part if it didn't "fall of the sky" completely, definitely causing a WTF moment there. But it does transition to Verse 2 ok. Actually, the song was flowing rather decently until this point, but after this is where it begins to get confusing...

[Verse 2] Another fun "minimalistic" theme - bars 102-104 sound kinda cheesy, but ok. Should have gained a little more power to prepare to the chorus, though.

[Chorus 2/Intro Glimpse] Sounds more like a chorus this time. The intro glimpse bars really shine, even if the intro glimpse itself is somewhat... too subtle? It takes a 2nd listen for listeners to recognize the intro in that little rhodes bit. Bar 119 is distinctively dissonant - it's not usual to use dissonance in basslines, and a B instead of C in that bar would have been more "conventional". Can't say it sounds bad though.

[Jam/Groove] Very nice lead in "getting into the jam". The percussions give it a South American feel, unexpected but cool. It would be fine for the Groove part to be just a variation of this... but you wanted to put in that almost "samba" stuff in Groove... fine. Too bad the transition between those parts was always going to be hard, and even if your "boom" solution is not too bad, it's still sketchy.

As a side note, your drumwork definitely gets the job done without being too complicated, but the bass... meh. Falls too often in the cliché of "strumming the same note over and over". Groove part escapes that logic though, fortunately, good bass work here.

[Sax/Clarinet Solos] Well executed, nothing to say here.

[Heavy Riff 1/Guitar Solo 2] Doing a heavy riff as *that* Groove Variant was always going to come out cheesy... xD but you did a good job though (although some powerchords wouldn't have hurt, you could have used the "other" track to add this). Guitar Solo 2 fits perfectly, but once again transition into heavy riff 2 is not great.

[Heavy Riff 2] Man I love that piano stuff. This whole part sounds epic. Bar 191 gave me the feeling that you'd need 2 or 3 more bars of progression to make the transition back into main riff work, so it gets sketchy.. again... :/

[Main Riff] Didn't fall in love with the main melody here, it seemed a bit handicapped by the time-sigs and stuff... I'd have preferred a riff booster here (as in, powerful chords). You did work it well to the final chorus, sounds good.

[Chorus 3] Best of them all. Again, piano... me likes.. xD

[Slow Solo/Outro] Back to the pretty stuff. Great interplay between lead guitar and flute. Outro begins surprisignly grim, but turns out to finish in a lighter mood.. actually resembling a happier version of Waking Sculptures' outro :D (you do remember that song right? xD)

Overall: loads of musical technique displayed here, but hampered by your somewhat surprising difficulty in making a truly coherent song out of the skeleton. I expected you to do better, but still, this managed to be pretty enjoyable, and you respected all the rules, so...

Rating: 3.5

Posted by |_JR_|  {{ 13 tabs / 0 corrections }}  on: 02 Sep 2009 13:44

Rated as: Unrated
I liked your intro.
Concerning the verse I like the mood but there is nothing in particular that I can remember, as well for chorus;
Your guitar solo is good, then the main riff sounds a bit random (especially on the leads).

Really funny infectious groove !
I loved your sax solo and clarinet as well, I love this samba feel.
Heavy riff 1 is cool.

Chorus 3 is good, and last solo is ok.

Globally I like the mood. Bad points to me are the drum track (sometimes excellent, sometimes sound a bit uninspired), and maybe a lack of consistency, transitions are not really fluid and there is no real melody that we can remember.

But I really loved your samba part ! :)
3.5 stars

Posted by Djoule  {{ 7 tabs / 0 corrections }}  on: 03 Sep 2009 08:15

Rated as: Unrated
There's not much per section stuff to say, the intro starts well and then falls into total random, unorganised mess of stuff, up until the chorus. Even then, feel like the song only gets somewhere near the guitar solo with the buildup, then it starts sounding good.

The stuff before that is basically useless to listen to, sorry.

And after that there are good riffs, but again, a ton of disjointed ideas, things that don't stick together, like there's 5 themes present in 10 bars of music...

Also, use of dissonance recurs often within the song with no real purpose to make a point of something being wrong, or something becoming tension then release, just tastes of darker stuff that never really amount to anything.

I gotta say though, the clarinet solo stood out over basically all of the rest of the song, it's what stuck out most, sounded best, and actually fitted a mood.

Your heavy riff 2 I also liked because it was total chaos and dark as fuck, and well, I just like that, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with the song.

You do have a recurring little theme in the song, but I'm not sure to what purpose. It doesn't ever really get a point across, or bring back nostalgia, or glue together the parts.

Good parts man, just take this song apart and make like, 4 sounds out of it, I think it would work a lot better.

Rating - 2 stars, sorry

Posted by JazzDeath  {{ 22 tabs / 0 corrections }}  on: 17 Sep 2009 20:11

Rated as: Unrated
Quibokk - Nystagmus

Geeee you had a rough time here...

Well, I have to be honest, this song has some beautiful isolated parts, but when it comes to putting everything together it fails badly more in a rhythmicaly sense than harmonicaly, or any other way. You couldn't handle the weird time signatures cause I guess you just followed the rhythm in a very conventional way, you know, accentuating just the strong beats, and let me tell you that this skeleton allowed you to make syncopated stuff, which you kinda didn't do.
Sometimes this is too wanky for the mood of some parts, for example that pizicatto fill on the intro, it sounded cool yeah but, was it neccesary?

Some transitions weren't pulled off very well, i.e. bar 17 & bar 30. First Main Riff didn't make it at all, good progression but again, the rhythm failed, and this happened in every Main Riff.

But hey there are some cool stuf here to, almost all the solos are amazing (except for the first guitar solo, it's not very consistant) & there are some great fills, best solo: sax solo. My fav part was the Chipmunk invasion, man there's a cool kinda french mood going on there, clarinet was totally win.

Getting into the jam was cool, but I don't get what was the intention of bars 139, 140 & 141. I have one huge complain, I guess the point of the Infectious Groove section was to make a dissonant & creepy (and with a lot of vibe) groovish part, but here is kinda... too happy to be named as infectious groove xD.

Heavy Riff I is... funny? iono, it doesn't feel really heavy... I dare to say that sounds cheesy. Heavy Riff II was better, Dist Lead sounds a little like Deep Purple, and for me that's good xD.

Choruses got better each time, the first one wasn't really good, but the last one was pretty good.

Mmmmmmmm I have a problem with outro, kinda like it, but it doesn't glue with the previous part... I guess that just keeping the Slow Solo progression in the outro should have been enough.

Rate: 2.0, pretty much cause it didn't flow through out, transitions were not the best here and this doesn't seem to be a pretty coherent and tight song.

Posted by Daslaf  {{ 22 tabs / 0 corrections }}  on: 24 Sep 2009 11:47

Rated as: 
Let's face the facts – this didn't go down easy for you. The main fault is the transitions... for some weird reason, this doesn't feel cohesive at all, more like a collection of random ideas. The individual parts aren't too hideous, but they feel unrelated and heavily disjointed. I actually liked the main riff, it felt Macedonian... if it makes any sense. The whole jam/groove part is pretty entertaining, it's by far the best part of the song all the way up to heavy riff 2. Where the hell did this come from and was it really necessary?! And piano wank on top too?! What the... another problem is that the bits feel somewhat empty, restrained, underworked... if I'm making any sense here. You don't seem to be able to create your usual thick atmosphere, instead it feels hollow and some of the melodies feel forced (the rhodes intro seems downright artificial). Wrapping up – you're heavily limited by the (challenging) confines of the skelly, and whilst you manage to fill each tidbit acceptably, the quality is somewhat lesser than your usual work and the whole thing doesn't feel like a song.

Rating: 2.5 stars

Posted by RumpyTheRubbuhChikin  {{ 30 tabs / 0 corrections }}  on: 29 Sep 2009 05:26

Rated as: 
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